{"id":1956,"date":"2016-01-19T01:00:51","date_gmt":"2016-01-19T06:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/?p=1956"},"modified":"2016-01-12T22:51:18","modified_gmt":"2016-01-13T03:51:18","slug":"issue-471-january-19-2016","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/2016\/01\/issue-471-january-19-2016\/","title":{"rendered":"Issue 471 \u2013 January 19, 2016"},"content":{"rendered":"

________________________________________
\nI\u2019m on a brief vacation at the moment, so I prepared this in advance. I\u2019ll be back next week to answer questions, help solve problems, and guide you to finding what you\u2019re looking for. Meanwhile, here are some insights that may be useful to Scouters and Scouting youth leaders alike.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Brett Novick, educator, public school counselor, and adjunct university instructor recently wrote an article for the \u201cNew Jersey Education Association Review\u201d (see January 2016 issue) titled \u201cDealing with Behavior Problems\u202613 Strategies.\u201d While Mr. Novick\u2019s strategies were, as you\u2019d expect, classroom-focused, there are things we can learn that will serve in the Scouting environment as well. So I\u2019ve \u201ctranslated\u201d several of his key ideas into troop and patrol meetings for you. These are a combination of Mr. Novick\u2019s work and a few of my own thoughts on youth behavior and how to handle situations\u2026<\/p>\n

TALK CAN BECOME \u201cBLATHER\u201d WAY TOO FAST. You only have a certain amount of verbal ammunition. The more you speak, the less effective that ammunition becomes. Keep your comments brief and to the point. If a consequence is involved, warn (only) once and then do it. (HINT for SENIOR PATROL LEADERS: Go online\u2014it\u2019s not in Scout Handbooks any longer\u2014and find \u201csilent signals;\u201d then teach them to all Patrol Leaders who in turn teach their patrols; then use \u2018em!)<\/p>\n

AVOID MIRRORING YOUR TROUBLE-MAKER. When someone\u2019s having a tantrum keep in mind that he\u2019ll reflect your reaction. If your own emotions are escalated, the tantrum escalates. Instead, remain calm and repeat the identical (and short) mantra without changing a single word (e.g., \u201cSit down and stop talking\u201d) to avoid getting into a power struggle or being drawn into an emotional vortex.<\/p>\n

DO \u201cDO\u201d \u2013 AVOID \u201cDON\u2019T\u201d. When we provide direction, we have two choices: negative (\u201cDon\u2019t do that\u2026\u201d) or positive (\u201cDo this\u2026\u201d). When you tell someone what not to do, you\u2019re not providing information on what to do. You might think, but he should know what to do\u2014but he really doesn\u2019t unless you tell him what\u2019s expected. When someone\u2019s angry, upset, or displaying non-constructive behavior, being direct and speaking in the positive is your best bet.<\/p>\n

WOULD YOU REALLY WANT PIZZA EVERY SINGLE NIGHT? We often wonder why behavioral contracts and rewards stop working. It\u2019s simple: If the same \u201creward\u201d is given time and time again, eventually it loses its meaning; the scouts simply become inured to it and, ultimately, bored. It becomes ho-hum. So it\u2019s better to have a stockpile of rewards instead of same old\u2026same old.<\/p>\n

ANGER HAS TWO TIMETABLES. Although your \u201cproblem Scout\u201d may look like he\u2019s settled down, he may still be seething inside. Expecting him to instantly \u201cstraighten up and fly right\u201d can be a mistake. Give him at least 15 to 20 minutes to cool down\u2014both physically (external) and emotionally (internal)\u2014before expecting him to rejoin an activity or conversation.<\/p>\n

IF A SCOUT\u2019S BEEN REMOVED FROM AN ACTIVITY\u2014ALLOW HIM TO REJOIN THE GROUP QUIETLY. When a Scout returns to your patrol after an anger-laden episode, he\u2019s likely to be embarrassed and believe that \u201cevery eye will be on him.\u201d Breaking your conversation or activity to acknowledge his return will only confirm his fears and possibly trigger a fresh outburst. Better to simply continue doing what you\u2019re all doing and allow him to quietly slip into the activity at his own pace and comfort level.<\/p>\n

ANGER CAN BE A \u201cCOVER\u201d. Often, the trigger for angry behavior or speech runs deep\u2026often there\u2019s an underlying emotion that anger is used to cover over. Appreciate that your \u201cproblem Scout\u201d may have personal, family, or school problems that run much deeper than whatever he\u2019s now doing to vent this. You\u2019re not a professional, so you don\u2019t want to play \u201camateur shrink.\u201d But you can give him the time and space to at least settle himself down, in such a way that he doesn\u2019t feel \u201cpunished\u201d for the problem(s) he\u2019s try to cope with (unsuccessfully at the moment).<\/p>\n

SCOUTING\u2019S ABOUT CONSEQUENCES\u2014NOT PUNISHMENTS. In Scouts, we don\u2019t \u201cpunish\u201d\u2014we leave that outside the door at troop and patrol meetings and outings. But there can definitely be consequences, and it\u2019s important that these fit the action that caused the problem. If, for instance, a Scout has caused a dust-up that cost a meeting or activity 15 minutes of \u201csettle-down\u201d time, then that Scout \u201cowes\u201d 15 minutes of constructive time (can be putting away the chairs and such after the meeting\u2019s done, or cleaning up the campsite if he made a mess of it\u2014but he never NEVER \u201cdrops and gives you twenty pushups\u201d!).<\/p>\n

OWN THE PROBLEM\u2014OWN THE SOLUTION. Some feel that the moment a Scout misbehaves, it\u2019s instantly time to get his parents involved. Not so. And besides, parents can\u2019t be expected to act as you\u2019d hope if everything they\u2019re told is second- or third-hand. So, got a problem at a troop meeting? Then contain it and deal with it right then and there.<\/p>\n

(I frequently receive letters about how to deal with a Scout who caused a problem \u201cat our camp-out three weeks ago.\u201d Folks, that ship sailed. If it wasn\u2019t dealt with on the spot, at the camp-out, and resolved before everyone came home, it\u2019s simply too late\u2014game over. Time to move on\u2026)<\/em><\/p>\n

YOURS EARS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR TONGUE. More often than you might imagine, simply taking a Scout aside and asking him, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on\u2026what\u2019s troubling you?\u201d and then LISTENING WITHOUT COMMENT<\/em> can go miles toward helping. Think about it: Where else but in Scouting can a boy or young men be actually listened to instead of getting wall-to-wall orders on where to be, what to do, and how to do it?<\/p>\n

CATCH YOUR SCOUTS GETTING IT RIGHT!
\nInstead of finding ways to \u201cding\u201d a Scout (\u201cYou used the wrong knot,\u201d \u201cWhere\u2019s your neckerchief slide?\u201d\u2026you know what I mean) let\u2019s find ways to reinforce the positive. Let\u2019s complement our Scouts for getting stuff right!<\/p>\n

Along these lines, sometimes we set Scouts up to diverge from the truth. \u201cDid you do that?\u201d is a loaded question. The Scout\u2019s smart enough to know that, if he says \u201cyes,\u201d he\u2019s in deep do-do; but if he denies it, he might have a chance of wriggling out of your confrontation with him. So if you know he \u201cdid it,\u201d tell him and then agree on a consequence that\u2019ll set things right (or at least keep things in balance).<\/p>\n

So there you have it\u2026 Nothing particularly novel, all pretty down-to-earth, and all good reminders of some fundamentals that are sometimes too easily skipped over in the heat of a situation, or in the course of our meetings and outdoor weekends.<\/p>\n

Happy Scouting!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Andy<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Have a question? Facing a dilemma? Wondering where to find a BSA policy or guideline? Write to askandybsa@yahoo.com. Please include your name and council. (If you\u2019d prefer to be anonymous, if published, let me know and that\u2019s what we\u2019ll do.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

[No. 471 \u2013 1\/19\/2016 \u2013 Copyright \u00a9 Andy McCommish 2016]<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

________________________________________ I\u2019m on a brief vacation at the moment, so I prepared this in advance. I\u2019ll be back next week to answer questions, help solve problems, and guide you to finding what you\u2019re looking for. Meanwhile, here are some insights that may be useful to Scouters and Scouting youth leaders alike. Brett Novick, educator, public […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1956","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1956"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1960,"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1956\/revisions\/1960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/netcommissioner.com\/askandy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}