Boy, what a mistake! My Commissioner kept after me, telling me I should take some training. Couple of years of this and he finally wore me down. Me! Twenty years a Scoutmaster! Cubmaster before that! Besides, I\u2019m a high-powered executive, and if I can run a company, I sure as heck should be able to run a Cub Scout pack or Boy Scout troop! Pretty silly, but at least it might stop the nagging, I thought. Big mistake!<\/p>\n
Why, those trainers don\u2019t have the first clue! Can you believe, they tried to convince us that the rules we make as Den Leaders, and Cubmasters, and Scoutmasters to get our kids to straighten up and stay in line don\u2019t count! They tried to tell us that the BS of A already has enough policies and procedures in place, and that we don\u2019t need unit by-laws. Nuts to that! In my troop, for instance, if a kid misses three meetings in a row without a written medical excuse, I hold back his advancement to the next rank by a minimum of six months past tenure, and if he misses four meetings he\u2019s out of the troop, period. I can tell you from experience, unless you make these kids toe the line, they\u2019ll just walk all over you! Those so-called trainers tried to tell us that it\u2019s all about \u201cunit program,\u201d and that \u201cScouts \u2018vote\u2019 with their feet.\u201d They don\u2019t get it that it\u2019s my job to decide what happens in my troop meetings, and where we\u2019ll go camping and hiking, because if I leave it to the kids, they\u2019ll just want to play games and have fun and stuff. They\u2019ll want to take their cell-phones, iPods, and MP3 players up some dumb mountain trail, instead of taking it easy on a county park trail that\u2019s flat so it doesn\u2019t hurt my knees! Those trainers don\u2019t understood that if you give in an inch to these kids they\u2019ll just want to do stuff that\u2019s in their Handbooks and not do what they ought to, like policing trails and campsites, and doing money-earning projects for the troop, and practicing close-order drill!<\/p>\n
What a bunch of goody-two-shoes! They actually believe that left-hand handshake stuff! What kid in his right mind is going to want to do that? Just plain dumb! Better to use the right hand, just like normal. And uniforming! You\u2019d think they\u2019d have the sense to know that uniform pants are just too expensive and that jeans work just fine. My troop has its own \u201ctroop uniform\u201d that\u2019s a lot better than those up-tight follow-the-rules types!<\/p>\n
Speaking of \u201crules,\u201d they even expected us to stick with advancement requirements as written!<\/em> They just don\u2019t get it! In this day and age, those minimum requirements just don\u2019t cut it any more. My kids know I\u2019m tough, and they\u2019d better know their stuff or I\u2019ll flunk \u2018em on the spot. Couple of easy knots for Second Class? No way! I make \u2018em tie 15 different knots (a lot of them aren\u2019t \u201cin the book,\u201d so they have to go find \u2018em somewhere), and they\u2019d better know how to do them in the dark and blindfolded or they fail! Same with merit badges: Go see some namby-pamby merit badge counselor over my dead body! I run good classes in every troop meeting, and I<\/em> decide when the kids have learned everything they should know. In fact, merit badge classes are the best part of my troop meetings and take up at least an hour, which means I don\u2019t have to spend a lot of time planning the rest of the meeting (between my uniform inspections and my Scoutmaster\u2019s Speech \u2013 a \u201cminute\u201d is just plain not enough time to drum anything into their heads! \u2013 the meeting planning\u2019s pretty much done).<\/p>\n These \u201ctrainers\u201d were the same about Cub Scouts. They tried to take advancement away from the Den Leaders by telling them that the boys and their parents should be doing this sort of stuff at home. What a bunch of baloney! How do I know that the kid\u2019s actually done the requirement if I don\u2019t test him myself, so I can decide whether he passes or fails? Plus, there are enough den meetings for slow kids to do their requirements over and over till I tell \u2018em they\u2019ve passed, and then everyone can advance together if I hold back the speedy kids so the slow ones can catch up.<\/p>\n Speaking of advancement, they even tried to convince us that Cub Scout pack meetings shouldn\u2019t use the \u201ccall-his-name-and-hand-him-a-Zip-lok bag\u201d method. They wanted us to use ceremonies, and we all know how long those can take! Besides, then parents might show up at pack meetings, and then they overpopulate the room along with their other kids. Better to stick to the hired entertainer (Karate and Fencing are always good attention-getters) and Zip-loks if you want to get out of there in under an hour!<\/p>\n Then those know-it-all trainers wanted us to take Youth Protection training, too! How do they expect us leaders to talk privately with a kid in a separate room if they\u2019re going to insist on this thing they call \u201ctwo-deep leadership\u201d?<\/p>\n Risk Zone? Another waste of time! When I have six to eight kids in the car with me, of course I\u2019m going to drive carefully! Heck, only three or four of them will have seat belts, so how else would I drive! Besides, when I get tired, I don\u2019t take chances. I just pull to the side of the road and let the kids play near the car while I take a quick nap. Can\u2019t get safer than that!<\/p>\n Anyway, back to the training. They also got the \u201cScout Sign\u201d thing all wrong, too! Can you believe they don\u2019t yell, SIGN\u2019S UP!!! when they stick their fingers in the air! That\u2019s right. They just put up the sign and expect everyone to sort of notice it and come quiet. That takes way too long. One blast of SIGN\u2019S UP and you\u2019ve got their attention! So simple, but they have no clue!<\/p>\n Can you believe they told us that alcohol\u2019s not a good idea? How can they expect us to get parents to drive the kids if I don\u2019t offer them some wine or beer when they get to the campsite? Hey, it\u2019s a natural product, so how wrong can that be?<\/p>\n Take last week, when I took the kids paint-balling. They loved it! And I could just stay behind at the shack and have a nice, cold longneck while waiting to drive \u2018em home.<\/p>\n Patrols. That\u2019s another joke! These kids join a troop<\/em>, not a patrol! When we need patrols, like for a Camporee, I just divide the kids up and tell them what patrol they\u2019re in. They don\u2019t complain, because I pick the biggest kids to be the patrol leaders, so nobody argues about it. These trainers tried to tell me there are supposed to be elections for patrol leaders, but that wastes too much time and besides, that\u2019s just a popularity contest. Just like the Order of the Arrow. That\u2019s just a popularity contest, too, and besides, the OA just steals kids from my troop, so I outlawed that years ago! That new Venturing program does that, too, you know. Steals kids. Any kid in my troop wants to be a Venturer, I cut him loose. He can forget about Eagle, cause right then and there, there\u2019s no way he\u2019ll ever meet that \u201cactive in your troop\u201d requirement \u2013 I\u2019ll make sure of that! Besides, it\u2019s sort of dumb to have a Venturing program that starts at age 14, because my kids aren\u2019t anywhere near Eagle, and won\u2019t be till I decide they\u2019re mature enough to understand the Eagle rank and what it means, and that doesn\u2019t happen till they\u2019re at least 16, and 17 is even better!<\/p>\n Unit committee? Can you believe! A unit committee\u2019s nothing more than people who will get in my way! Or start expecting me to do stuff I don\u2019t believe in. Useless, is what I have to say about this lame idea! There\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t do myself, and besides, who wants to have to delegate anything, anyway?<\/p>\n Well, I\u2019ve vented probably long enough here. I just don\u2019t get what they think they\u2019re doing, and I sure wish they would have wiped those silly grins off their faces whenever I tried to set them straight! All they kept saying to each other was, \u201cSend a turkey to training and you get \u2026a trained turkey.\u201d Whatever that\u2019s<\/em> supposed to mean!<\/p>\n Oh, yeah, just one more thing. They didn\u2019t like my calling the kids \u201ckids.\u201d They thought I should be calling them Scouts. Like I\u2019m really gonna start doing something that might make these kids feel special or something. Yeah, right!<\/p>\n NetCommish Comments:<\/p>\n If you are reading this and nodding your head saying I sure agree with that, then chances are that you are the problem in your unit. If you aren’t understanding that this is a humorous April fool and you are taking this as support for what you think, then you do need to go to training and you do need to change your attitude because you are not delivering the Scouting program. <\/span><\/p>\nAndy<\/h3>\n