Issue 578 – December 4, 2018

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Hi! Thanks for your patience – It’s been exactly two months (my longest hiatus ever!) since my last column. I’m back and online now, so let’s get started…

Hi Andy,

Our troop is at work recruiting Webelos. At one of the packs we visited, one of their Webelos dens has a girl in it, and they say she wants to graduate right alongside her other den members. Our troop’s adult leaders are bouncing around a lot of conflicting opinions on how to handle this, and, as Scoutmaster, I’m not yet sure what to do. Where is the best place to get definitive information on what a troop needs to do in order to have members who are girls? Thanks! (John)

The BSA has long made it very clear that boy-girl Cub Scout dens violate policy: In Cub Scout packs, it’s boys in boy-only dens and girls in girl-only dens; no mixing is permitted.

This girl can obviously graduate from her pack. Then she can cross-over into any all-girl Scouts BSA troop. She’s not permitted to join a boy-only troop, which the BSA has made this perfectly clear in articles in “Scouting” magazine, the “Scouting.org” website, the “Bryan on Scouting” blog site, and beyond.

In a “perfect world,” there should be no “conflicting opinions” here, mostly because something like policy isn’t subject to “opinions,” “interpretation,” or “special circumstances”—a policy is what it is, as published by the BSA. If anyone’s saying otherwise, they’re way off the reservation.

So, since situation was created by that pack, I recommend you leave it to them to solve (don’t put their “monkey” on your back). You can simply recommend to this pack’s adult volunteers that they consult with their designated Unit Commissioner or, if unavailable, their District Executive, so that a proper Scouts BSA troop can be found for this girl.
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Dear Andy,

I’m just shaking, writing to you. I’ve just received a nasty letter from our council’s Scout Executive. I’ve called his office and asked to have an in-person meeting with him; he’s not responding. If he won’t meet with me to resolve this situation, where do I go?

Here’s the story…

It’s “popcorn season” in our council and on the first Saturday morning my Scout son and I were out selling in our neighborhood. While out on the sidewalk, we noticed a “solo” Scout—I know both him and his parents through our sons’ pack and now troop. Since he was alone, and beyond his own neighborhood, I approached him and asked if he’s be willing to leave our area and work his own neighborhood, and, by the way, he really needed to have a parent with him. His response—a polite one—was that he’s just fine, and so he neither returned to his own neighborhood nor called (yup, seems every kid these days has a cellphone) home for parental backup.

I repeated that he really needed to have at least a Scout “buddy” and would he please allow my own son to canvass this neighborhood first. At one point, when he had wandered some 20 to 30 feet away from my son and me, I repeated my request again, but this time my voice was louder, to cover the distance. There was no change in his behavior, so my son and I just continued with our own canvassing.

Later that same day, after we’d gone home, this Scout’s father sent me a message…via Facebook. The message stated that I should not be talking to his son, and I replied (also via Facebook) that if this boy is out by himself I’ll definitely talk to him. This dad’s response was that I shouldn’t be “yelling” (his word) at his son and had a few not-so-nice things to say about me that I’m omitting here. We engaged in a few more back-and-forth exchanges until he signed off and “blocked” me in the process.

All was quiet after that. And then, yesterday, I received the Scout Executive’s letter, stating that I hadn’t “lived up to Scouting principals and that I’d best not repeat this or I’ll find myself removed from BSA membership (yes, this was the actual warning). I felt pretty threatened and still do. I’m also pretty angry, because it looks like nobody wants to hear the “other side” of this mess.

What do I do? Where do I go with this? Is this really a “situation” warranting expulsion from BSA membership? (Confused, threatened, and angry Scout Dad)

From what you’ve described here, this looks like little more than a dust-up between two dads who let it get out of hand—a guaranteed result when two people chuck “email grenades” at one another instead of getting eyeball-to-eyeball and working it out in a personal conversation.

Yes, that other Scout should have been with at least one buddy and, ideally, with at least one parent or other adult present. On the other hand, I have to ask if a great deal of harm would have been done had you simply invited that Scout to join in with you and your son—all in the spirit of sharing and Scout bonding.

Then there’s the maxim of “Praise in public; correct in private.” When you and anyone else are at a distance from one another, raising your voice to be heard can easily sound like “shouting,” even though that wasn’t your intention.

I agree that that Scout’s dad made a fatal error in choosing Facebook email to communicate with you; knocking on your front door would certainly have been better, and would have modeled for his own son that, when there’s a problem, you face it; you don’t sit in your bunker and lob grenades. But the same goes for you: Instead of getting into an email morass—one which could have been predicted to end as it did—you chose not to get up, go out, and knocked on his door. (Important side-benefit: You would have modeled for your own son along the way.)

Who knows? Maybe a face-to-face would have resulted (after the growling and puffing settled down) in two well intentioned Scouting dads coming to a better understanding…and maybe even with a dad-to-dad relationship beginning to form.

So here’s the deal, and the answer to your questions…

It’s the bigger man who’s willing to apologize. This completely disarms the other and most often opens the door to an open, non-confrontational new beginning. It looks like this: “Hi! I’m here to apologize for the ‘popcorn incident.’ I can see how your son may have thought I was yelling at him, which wasn’t my attention. How about we start over. How about you and I, together with our sons, sell some popcorn this coming weekend?”

Once you begin a relationship this way, you can both tell the Scout Executive that you’ve worked this out together and everything’s copacetic now, especially for your sons!
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Hi Andy,

Eleven years after he first became a Tiger Cub, my son Joey is now an Eagle Scout. His Eagle board of review was last night and he completed it with flying colors. It’s been a long and rewarding journey, now culminated.

Several reviewers who have known Joey noted the remarkable change—from a boy who first joined the troop, shy and soft-spoken, and now a self-confident young man. All in all, it was a very rewarding evening for the Joey, his, reviewers, and of course his parents. (Joe Sefcik, Connecticut Rivers Council)

Congratulations to the troop and to these two new Eagle Scouts!

Please let your son know that he’s not “done”—He’s only just begun. It’s now the beginning of his next journey along life’s pathway. Eagle is a fulcrum…a balancing point. He’s successfully climbed an incline to reach this summit, and now he’s beginning a new journey. It’s called LIFE.

From the day of his board of review till the sunset of his life many decades from now, he’s a member of a unique brotherhood: Eagle Scouts. This means that Joey owes his allegiance to all of the values inherent in the Scout Oath and Law, and to every Eagle before and after him will be anticipating his steadfast role as a model of the finest Scouting has to offer himself, his family, his community, the nation, and the world. This is a weighty responsibility Scouting has helped in broadening his shoulders so that he can accept and bear this responsibility.

From time to time in his life to come, he will meet with challenges requiring thoughtful, rigorous, and ethical/moral decisions. Scouting will have made this decision-making more straightforward to accomplish: All he needs do when faced with an ethical dilemma is to ask himself, “What would an Eagle Scout do?” When he does this, I can personally guarantee that the answer will present itself, because he is an Eagle Scout.

Happy Scouting and Happy Holidays!

Andy

Have a question? Facing a dilemma? Wondering where to find a BSA policy or guideline? Write to askandybsa@yahoo.com. Please include your name and council. (If you’d prefer to be anonymous, if published, let me know and that’s what we’ll do.)

[No. 578 – 12/4/2018 – Copyright © Andy McCommish 2018]